Please Don't Tell
by toriiamac
Summary: "I didn't know. I didn't know any of this was going on. I let myself hate her." the guilt washed over Edward in waves. Why did he let this happen? How could he have let this happen? His head fell back as the tears rolled down his face. Why didn't he just come home sooner? All human. Angst, romance, and a little pain. But hey, there might be a happy ending in store.
1. Chapter 1

**Just trying out something new. I got a bad block on my last fic and couldnt do much with it anymore, so it's on hold. Tell me what you think of this little number!**

Bella set a plate in front of her father Charlie, watching his eyes light up when he noticed she had actually cooked the fish he had brought home from his most recent fishing trip with Billy. But he did not say a word and neither did she. That's how it was around here now. Silent. Sullen. Depressing. Bella sighed and took the seat across from him, her fork pushing her fish around. She wasn't in the mood to eat anything, she was never in the mood to eat anything.

Charlie watched his daughter from the corners of his eyes, her body was too thin, her hair too short, and her eyes too dull. Taking in her appearance, he wondered how this happened, how he let this happen, how she turned out this way. So broken, so hurt, so sick. He wondered how his ex wife could just leave their daughter. He wondered how Bella could just leave everything. He took a bite of his food and his thoughts were sent back into a simpler time.

* * *

_"No!" he heard his daughter laughing all the way from the driveway and a smile crept up his face. She was happy and that was all that mattered._

_"What's going on in here?" he grumbled, taking a seat in the recliner across from the two seated on the couch. The boy had good enough sense to take his hands off of Charlie's daughter, but he couldn't hide the smile playing across his face._

_"Edward was tickling me again!" Bella groaned, sitting herself back up on the couch "And I hate it!" she almost yelled the last part and Charlie himself knew his daughter hated being tickled, but looking at the gleam in her eyes and the smile on her face, he also knew she enjoyed it when this Edward kid did it._

_ Charlie huffed and stood once more, grabbing his tackle box and pole off the floor before glaring toward the two teens. " Keep it PG, kids. I could pop in any time." And with that, he was out the door._

* * *

Charlie was unaware at the time that this would become a cherished memory of his. He couldn't have predicted what was going to happen. Even then, he didn't know how things could take a turn for the worst.

"This is really great, Bells." He broke the awkward silence, his hand sliding across the table and patted hers. "Thanks for cooking for me."

Her eyes shot up to him before she quickly snatched her hand out from under his. "I'm going to bed." She threw her plate in the sink. "I have an early appointment tomorrow."

Charlie looked now at his plate, his trembling hands settling on either side of his head, and he noticed the tears slipping onto his plate. Again he wondered how he let this happen. How he let his daughter fall into this. How he let her pull away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: This is all Mrs. Meyer's park, I'm just playing in her sandbox. No copyright infringement intended. Enjoy!**

Edward sat behind his desk in Chicago thinking of his past. It wasn't often he let himself dwell, but today was her birthday…and today, four years ago, it was the day she pushed him away. September 13. He frowned down at his calendar, his eyes burning. He hated her. He hated her with his whole heart. And he loved her. That was really why he hated her. Because she never loved him.

* * *

_"So, I got you something." Edward smiled down at her beautiful face, her long hair flowing in the wind. "It is your birthday and all."_

_She frowned and her face tilted downward. He didn't understand. He'd never understand. Today should be a celebration of her life, she treated it like it was a death sentence. "I told you, I don't celebrate these things."_

_His fingers slid up her arm and to her chin, tilting it back in his direction. "Celebrate with me." As their eyes connected, she licked her lips and he could swear in that moment she wanted to kiss him, but her eyes fell quick and the permanent frown she wore was in place again. "Please Bella. Just this one time?" _

_"I don't celebrate." Her voice was stern and for a second he thought about just dropping the whole thing, but he couldn't. It was her birthday, it was her birthday and he loved her. Tonight, he planned to admit it. "because I never know if this birthday could be my last." She mumbled under her breath, and though he caught some of what she said, he left it alone. Bella wasn't a morbid person, he couldn't have heard her right._

* * *

Edward was snapped out of his trance when a nurse, knocked politely on the door. "Dr. Cullen, your mother is on the phone, would you like me to take a message?"

Edward had been avoiding his family, not taking their calls, leading up to this day was always hard for him. Half because of his anger, half because his heart was broken. That's the half he wouldn't admit. The blonde looked at him expectantly, her blue eyes hard. For some reason this made him want to take the call. "Just put her though." He sighed and loosened his tie. He was really in for it.

Esme Cullen was a sensible woman. She knew that her son was having a hard time, but in time he would adjust and he would be happy again. She just knew it. If only he could have that happiness with Bella. They were perfectly imperfect, complimented each other in the best of ways, they fit together. She hadn't been told all of what happened between them, but from the look on his face and the way he never came home to visit anymore, she knew it was bad.

She tapped her foot against the tile of her kitchen as she waited for the nurse to come back and she swore if Edward didn't take this call, she was flying straight to Chicago and pulling him by an ear all the way back to Forks. His best friend and his little sister were to be married in less than a month and if he wasn't there, she knew in the long run, he would feel bad about it.

"Hello Mother." Edward. Esme smiled and let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding.

"My sweet baby." Her voice was soft, but held something else in it, something heavier. "WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE ANYMORE!" and the heavy was rage.

Twenty minutes into the phone call his mother's voice softened again. The happy tone returned, and she asked him about work, about life, and then about coming home. Ten minutes later she had convinced him to return in a weeks time, booked the flight, and emailed him the ticket. He stared at the offending email and what do you know….it was nonrefundable. After all, Esme Cullen was a sensible woman.

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**Wow! Thank you all for favoriting and following my story! It's making me want to write more everyday! I have a few chapters already written and in time I plan to have an updating schedule, but for now...I let these characters tell me what to do! Tell me what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

Bella stared blankly at the invitation stuck to the refrigerator door and a jolt of happiness shot through her body. She always knew Jasper and Alice would end up together. A rare smile plastered on her face, she turned towards Charlie. "Have you RSVPed yet?"

Charlie's head shot up, startled by the tone of his daughters voice, then a smile broke across his face. "Why Bells, thinking we should go?" Bella slid the chair out and sat beside her dad. Her face was pensive, but the happiness was still there. "Yeah Dad, I do." Once again, Charlie reached out to his daughter, and this time, she didn't jerk away from him.

Alice paced back and forth in front of the Swan's front door. It had been a while since she had been here, but she knew what she had to do the minute she got the RSVP from Charlie. Setting her shoulders straight, she stood tall, and she knocked.

Charlie was at work today, after near constant nagging from Bella. She had grown tired of his hovering. She wasn't used to it and she didn't like it. In high school, when Bella first moved to Forks, that's one of the things she loved the most about him, Charlie didn't hover. But recently, it was like he never left, like he wanted to spend every waking moment by her side, and even though she loved her father with everything in her, she just couldn't handle it anymore. Bella heard the timid knock on the door and was immediately unsure if she should answer it or not. She wasn't the type for company, not anymore.

Alice looked around while she waited, praying hard that someone would be home. That Bella would be home, and then the door opened. A small smile played over the girl's lips. "Oh, do I have the wrong house?" Alice leaned back, reading the numbers on the mail box. She'd been here a million times in her life, there was no way this was the wrong house. "Bella Swan still lives here, right?"

Bella's smile faltered for a second, her hands absentmindedly smoothing her hair. "Don't be silly, Alice. It's me." And with that, the woman walked back to the couch and sat. "You going to stand there all day, Pixie, or are you coming in?" Alice's jaw was slack, this girl looked nothing like Bella, but she was sure, with the mention of her old nickname, it was her.

Alice sat down on the old sofa, the sofa that held some great memories for the girls. Slumber parties, movie nights, that one party when Bella caught Alice practically on top of Jasper. She started wringing her hands, unsure of what to say now that she had gotten in. She hadn't really expected to make it this far. "I'm sorry, Bella." Alice's voice was quiet, her eyes trained on her lap. "I shouldn't have been angry at you. Edward made his own choices, you made yours." Her eyes were brimmed with unshed tears, not only for the loss of her brother, but for the loss of her best friend. "You've always been my best friend, you know that." Her voice was barely a whisper now, cracking when the memories got hard, sobs threatening to break out. "I never should have let you go."

Bella, for once, didn't avoid looking at someone, and now that she was allowing herself, she was really looking. Alice was different now. Her figure had filled out even more, her hair was grown longer. She looked like the woman Bella wished so desperately she could be.

"And I don't know what I'm doing." Bella's eyes pulled away from her friend's hair and back to her face where their eyes connected. She swallowed hard, Alice had the same green eyes that Edward had. They were heart-breakingly similar. "I know we've drifted, Bella, and I know it's last minute, but, will you please be my maid of honor?"

Bella's smile was real, really really real. This is the life she wanted. "God, yes." And Alice's eyes lit up, sparkling with both tears and happiness. Since the day the two had met, this was their plan. Bella would be Alice's maid of honor, and Alice would be hers. The thought of Bella's marriage, which would never happen, made her a little upset, but Bella could manage. That wasn't her. It never was.

Alice launched herself at her friend, her arms flying around Bella's body, and for the first time she felt how fragile the girl was. How thin she had become. How abnormally pale she was. Her head laid on Bella's shoulder and noticed the dullness of the girl's hair, noticed the way it was cut, noticed how she quite just didn't smell like Bella. But she made no comment about it. Maybe Bella was sick, the flu was going around, and Bella always had a terrible immune system.

_"I hate Forks, Alice, I hate it." Bella sniffed, wiping her nose with another tissue, they were really piling up. "This is why I'm always sick!" Alice snickered and propped her feet up on the coffee table, sipping from her water bottle._

_"Maybe if you were sneaking out at night to hang out with Eddie in the woods you wouldn't have practically caught pneumonia." Alice had her lips puckered up and was making obnoxious kissing sounds._

_"Shut up Alice!" Bella smacked her best friend with a pillow and sighed quietly. "If only I could be cured of all this."_

* * *

"We have a dress fitting tomorrow." Alice beamed, Bella's skinny hands inside her own. "Please say you'll be there." Bella was silent for a moment, contemplating, thinking of what to say. "It's just mom and I, please Bella, please!" And Bella couldn't resist it anymore. She couldn't tell her best friend no. Couldn't pass up the chance to make Alice happy. She nodded her consent and they smiled together, hugging on the couch, one thinking about a wonderful future for the two of them, the other thinking about the future she'd never see.

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**So, a couple of you have asked what was wrong with Bella and you all know I can't tell you, but I would love to hear your theories. What do you think is wrong with her? Review and let me know!**


	4. Chapter 4

The happiness was radiating off of Alice, her face hurt from smiling. Her life was going to fall back into place, she and Bella would fall back into old times and soon her life would be normal. She twirled into her childhood home, her eyes darting around excitedly for someone to tell. She ran toward the kitchen, bumping into her father. Alice smiled brightly up toward him and threw her arms around his waist. "Bella's coming, daddy."

Carlisle Cullen is a retired oncologist, originally working for one of the top cancer centers in the United States, M.D Anderson, but after meeting Esme and having two wonderful children, he decided to go back home to the small town of Forks. Carlisle's work with cancer did not stop there though, he continued working for the University of Washington's Medical Center until his early retirement from the field last year. Today, Carlisle works as a part time pediatrician at a local office. His smile was genuine as he hugged his daughter close before leaving a kiss in her hair. "That's wonderful, Alice."

Bella hadn't been around his family for some time, he himself hadn't seen her since last June. With his hands wrapped around his baby girl, he thought back to that day.

* * *

_"I'm afraid the test results are positive, Bella." Carlisle's voice was soft and sweet, but the news wasn't. He sat on the bed beside the shaken girl, his arms wrapping tightly around her shoulders. "We have a lot of options." He watched as Bella shook her head, tears streaking down her sullen face._

_ "I don't want to do anything else." She didn't look back up at him, but his eyes were trained down on her. He didn't want to let her give up. He didn't want her to lose anything more. "Please don't tell anyone." Her hands were gripping the table hard, her knuckles white. "Remember our promise." His hands stilled the soothing rubbing on her back when her eyes connected with his, a serious look passing between them. "Please don't tell."_

* * *

He was pulled out of his memories when Alice pulled back, the smile on her face fading as she looked up toward her father. His eyes held sorrow, pain, regret. His eyes held the secrets he could never tell. His eyes held the promise.

* * *

Edward fidgeted the entire plane ride home. He tried to get sleep, but he was plagued with dreams of the hurt that home held. Haunted by the girl he was forced to leave behind. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about bailing. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't called Jasper four times begging to be replaced as the best man. He'd also be lying if he said he wasn't anticipating seeing her again.

"Sir, we have to ask you to buckle up now, we're getting ready to land." The flight attendant pulled him out of his own mind and for that he was thankful. He smiled up at her and fastened the belt around his waist, bracing himself for landing, bracing himself for home.

**This chappy is a bit short, I was out with family for a while and only had a short period of time to get these guys out. How does Monday sound for all of you? Updates every Monday! Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

Bella smoothed her hair down and stared at her reflection in the mirror, her hair was shorter, her skin was paler, she was wearing a floor length blush pink dress, barely recognized herself.

"Oh Bella I think it looks perfect!" and of course Alice thought it was perfect. It was pink…it was a dress..it made heels a necessity. Bella nodded and placed a fake smile on her face, large enough to please Alice.

"You're right, Allie." She swallowed hard. "It's perfect." She turned around to face the two women while holding the dress up on her body. "Do you think here will be enough time to fit it?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders and waved her hand passively. "They can do anything."

Alice had ordered this dress for Bella before she had gotten the courage to ask her to be in the wedding. She had ordered it in a size two. The size she always remembered Bella to be. She had no idea how much weight Bella had lost, but with the way the already small dress hung off of her, she knew it had to have been a lot.

Esme broke Alice out of her thoughts when Bella came back out of the dressing room, clothed in her own jeans and tshirt. "Alice, baby, why don't you go put on your dress for Bella?" Alice's eyes lit up, the excitement evident all over her face. Alice had tried on her dress a million times, shown her mother and her two other bridesmaids, but she had never shown her best friend. Alice hopped up without word and zoomed to the dressing room.

For a while, Esme and Bella sat in silence. The awkwardness floating around them. Bella didn't know what to say, she didn't know how to act. How exactly did Esme feel about her? She watched the older woman from the corner of her eye, Esme's fingers tapping against her knee as if she was holding something back.

Esme was trying to think of a way to approach Bella, a way to ask her questions, to get her to talk. Bella had always been shy, a quiet girl around new people, but Esme wasn't used to her being that way around her. She wasn't used to not knowing what to say. Bella had been like her own daughter for nearly six years. She had imagined Bella and Edward's wedding would have come years ago, she had planned it all out once. She thought of flowers, cake, colors, and venues, but that was a long time ago, way before the collapse of their relationship.

The two sat there in the silence, both avoiding conversation for different reasons, one scared of a mothers wrath, the other just didn't know what to say.

"You know Bella, we all miss you around." Esme was quiet at first, kind of like her daughter was when she first came to see her. "None of us really know what happened between you and Edward, and none of us blame you for it." Her hand slid over to Bella's and the woman smiled, it was small, but it made Bella feel at ease, it made her feel comfortable to be there. "We just want the both of you to come back to us." Bella opened her mouth to apologize, to say anything, something, but was cut off when Alice came out in her dress, and God, it was a beautiful dress.

Alice had an un-Alice like shy smile on her face, her hands were straightening out the white fabric. "So, this is it." She said it so simply you would imagine the dress to be just that, a dress, but it wasn't. Bella's eyes glistened with unshed tears, Alice was beautiful, the dress was beautiful, everything about this moment was utterly beautiful. Bella's eyes scanned over the gown, the sweet heart neckline, the intricate lace pattern, the way it hugged Alice's slim body, showing off her curves, all the way until the knees where it gave a mermaid type look. And she had no words. Nothing other than beautiful.

"Alice it's…" Bella was again at a loss for words. Her mouth hanging open and nothing was coming out. But the look on her face was enough. The tears trailing lightly over her slightly flushed cheeks was enough. Alice felt her own tears escape from her eyes and she wasn't sure what it was from. Just having Bella here, or having Bella here…looking at her like that, like the years of silence hanging between there wasn't real, like the pain and hurt was non-existent, like they had always been best friends, like nothing could ever change that, they'd be that way forever, for the rest of their lives.

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**Yeah yeah, I'm TWO days late. So how does two chapters today sound? There will be another posted sometime tonight!**

**Some of you guessed what was wrong with Bella and some of you expressed your fear about her future in this story. There will be some tough times and some scares, but it will turn out alright, I promise! **

**Also, I know my chapters are sometimes short, but when theres a spot that has that finality feel to it, you just cant continue. When a chapter feels like its over, its over, I dont want to make it seem to forced. Sorry! **

**REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

Edward was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a beer with his father when his mother and Alice came through the door, wardrobe bags in hand, smiles gracing their faces. He stood when his little sister saw him, her eyes widening as they roamed over him. "You're really here." She ran into his open arms, happy tears soaking into his shirt. "You're coming to the wedding?" She felt him nod his head in agreement and she smiled again. "Everything will be perfect now. You'll both be there."

Edward stiffened a bit. He knew who she was talking about and he wasn't ready for that. While he was thankful she hadn't said the name out loud, that didn't stop his mind from screaming it. Bella would be there. He'd have to come face to face with her. A knot formed deep in his stomach, he absolutely did not want to see her. Not now, not ever. "I'll be there." He had intentionally left Bella out of it. He really didn't trust that she'd show up. She didn't prove to be trustworthy in the past.

Alice pulled away, still smiling, and unaware of any ill thinking he had toward Bella. "You have to get fitted!" She held her brothers hands in her small ones, "Oh Jasper is going to be so excited! I have to go call him!" her mouth was moving faster than she could think. Edward laughed, placing his hand over his baby sister's mouth.

"God, Alice take a breath!" Her smiled down at her. "Of course I've already spoken to Jasper and my measurements have been here for weeks."

Alice bounced a bit on her toes, the surprise of her brother being home, after so long, was almost too much to handle. She had to call and tell someone. She wanted to tell everyone. But mainly, she wanted to tell Bella. She frowned at the floor for a moment before looking up at her brother again. "I'm going to go call Bella!" she let him go and ran up the stairs, but not before noticing how tense he had become.

After his sister was gone, Edward ran a hand through his hair. Sighing heavily he turned back to his parents, expectant looks on both of their faces. "You know, honey, you'll have to walk with Bella in the wedding."

Edward flopped down on his chair, his knee bouncing up and down, the anxiety rolling off of his body. "No one told me she'd be in the wedding too." He blinked hard, trying to keep the memories in the back of his mind. He knew she'd be there, he knew Alice would invite her. He just didn't expect to walk down the aisle with her. Not after what had happened between them.

* * *

_Edward clutched the little black box in his hand, deep inside his pocket, smiling so hard that his face hurt. Tonight would be the night, he'd start the rest of his life with the girl he loved more than anything in this world. Tonight he'd ask Bella to be his wife. He was going to start his residency soon, he'd have to move, they both knew that, but he couldn't picture going without her, couldn't see him being able to do this without her, couldn't imagine having to love without her. His other hand held hers, they were walking toward the restaurant where they had their first date, a little Italian place called La Bella Italia and he wasn't sure he could wait. He'd been aching to do this._

_"Bella…" he tugged her to a stop in front of the place, turning her so they were standing face to face. "I love you, Bella. With all of my heart." She smiled at him, tugging his hands so they could move forward._

_"Of course I know that, lets go inside, I'm hungry." She turned to walk, but he stopped her again, a determined look in his eyes. _

_"I'm not done yet, Bella." His hands cupped her face and he placed one soft kiss on her lips. "I love you Bella, and I don't want to be without you. Not ever. I want to wake up with you every morning, I want to hold you when I fall asleep, I want to call you my wife." He smiled at her again, tears he interpreted as happy flowing freely down her face. He knelt in front of her, people around the restaurant gathering around, happy chatter could be heard by the two of them, but they chose to ignore it. He pulled the box out of his pocket, opening to show her the most beautiful ring she had ever seen, a ring that would be perfect for her if she were to let this happen. _

_ "I don't know what to say." Her eyes weren't on his face, but on the ground._

_"Say yes, Bella. Say yes and spend the rest of your life with me. Be with me, forever." He sounded so sure, so confident that the rest of their lives would be forever, that they would be long. His would be long, his life would be fulfilling. Hers would end, it wouldn't last, he would be crushed. She shouldn't have let this happen. Shouldn't have stayed with him, pulled him along, she shouldn't have let herself think that this could be real for them._

_"I can't Edward." She pulled her hands away from his, wiping her face clear of her tears. "I can't do that." She started to back away from him slowly, "I…I just can't." She turned, pushing through the crowd that had gathered around them. Left him there, on one knee, a diamond ring in his hand, his heart shattered on the cement._

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**I promised a second chapter and here it is. Tell me what you think, give me your thoughts and concerns! I'd love to hear from you! Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Bella sighed and set her phone down, Alice had just called to tell her about Edward's arrival back in Forks, to tell her about the plans of her walking with him in the wedding. Her sigh turned into shuddering breaths. Shuddering breaths moving toward trembling hands. If there was anything she regretted about her life, it was the fact that she had hurt Edward. They had been fast friends, him being one of the many that reached out to her when she moved to Forks her junior year, but one of the few that stayed when they realized how reserved she was, and one of the only people who truly loved her. Bella moved toward the mirror, watching the tears drip down her face and onto her tshirt. She hadn't wanted to hurt Edward, she hadn't wanted to turn him down. One of the only things Bella ever truly longed for in her life was Edward. He was the only person she ever let close enough to almost see what was really wrong with her. She had dreamed numerous nights about spending eternity with him by her side. A white dress, children, the whole nine yards, but when the chance presented itself, when Edward asked to be with her forever, she couldn't do it. She couldn't let him waste his life, his time, on someone so utterly broken. She wouldn't have children, she wouldn't get married, and she should have known that since the beginning. She shouldn't have led him on, shouldn't have gotten a taste of the forbidden fruit, shouldn't have let him love her, but honestly she had warned him throughout the years, said little things that should have pushed him away, but all of which pulled him closer. Edward whole heartedly loved Bella. He loved her with everything he had, and that's exactly why she let him go, he deserved someone worthy of all of that love.

Bella backed away from the mirror and wiped at her face, hoping her puffy eyes would disappear by the time Charlie arrived home. The last thing she really wanted to do was talk about it. She walked over to her bed, pulling the box that held her pictures from underneath it. Earlier this week, Bella had set out to make amends with the people in her life. That is honestly why she wanted to be in Alice's wedding. She couldn't die knowing that Alice hated her. She pulled out an old, slightly bent, picture from the box and smiled at it, it was from a party that Ali had thrown when her parents were out of town. In it, Alice had an arm thrown around Bella's neck, both girls clutching cups filled with an unknown substance. When Bella had first settled here, she changed, she let herself live, and that's what made her choose to stay, here she felt alive. She set that picture aside and pulled out another, in this one a much younger Edward had his lips pressed to a fuller, healthier, Bella's forehead. She ran her fingers over the image and almost cried again. He was beautiful and she knew that today, that probably increased by a tenfold. She held the picture to her chest and thought. She had wanted to make amends….but she never really thought she was going to get that chance with him. After she had turned him down, he turned into someone else, he turned away from her, and he left..just like he had planned to do. Like he planned for them to do. Her heart ached. Honestly, her heart has been aching for a long time now, the distance between them was painful, it was killing her, and she let it..because she was at fault. The pain was because of her.

Charlie knocked lightly on Bella's door before pushing it open, seeing her on the bed, pictures scattered around her, "Want to go to dinner, Bells?" her head snapped up to him and a smile smile formed on her lips, it looked almost sympathetic, and he feared she'd turn him down again. "Me, you, Jake and Billy?" she nodded slowly and pulled herself off the bed.

"I'd really like that, Dad."

Alice smiled and set her phone on her dresser, she knew that if Bella and Edward were going to be stuck with each other throughout the wedding events, that maybe they would break and actually talk to one another..and hopefully the talking would bring out who they both used to be. Alice had a childish view on the two of them, thinking that their mistakes could be fixed with one conversation, that the two of them could even work through their problems. That they even wanted to. Alice had no idea what had happened to them, no idea that there was ever a proposal, no idea that her best friend was sick and that her brother was broken up inside, no idea of any of it.

She raced down the stairs, brushing off her father waiting at the bottom of the steps. "Edward, I think you should go see Bella." Her father coughed behind her, her mother stared at her with wide eyes, and her brother didn't say a damn thing.

The Cullen's were tense as they sat around the table, Edward staring down at his untouched food, Alice glaring daggers through his head. Esme and Carlisle were at a loss for words. One because her children were obviously uncomfortable around one another, the other because he couldn't help but feel terrible for the secret he had been harboring.

The Swan's and the Black's sat a few tables down, unaware of the family not to far away from them. Jacob smiled in Bella's direction, nudging her arm and rolling his eyes at their father's conversation, all fishing. Bella had known Jacob since they were five, and Jacob had loved her since that very day, but he knew she didn't feel the same way. He once thought she had found her one, been totally off limits forever, until the split with Edward, and then after that, as he helped her pull herself together, he had found out about her sickness and that didn't change a thing. Jacob Black will always love Bella, even if it's just in a friendship. Bella hadn't meant for Jacob to find out, she hadn't even been the one to tell him. Her father blabbed to Billy, who in turn blabbed to Jacob. She didn't want anyone to know, she didn't want anyone to pity her.

Edward pushed his chair away from the table and stood, "I'm going to the bathroom." He nodded toward his parents and walked off, his mind still swarming with thoughts of what had happened at home. How dare Alice think that he would approach Bella, go to her home, and try to make things better, none of this was his fault. He huffed and scanned the restaurant, he saw plenty of people he had known form high school. He saw Jessica, Jacob Black, and was that…Charlie? He walked toward the table without second thought, wiping his sweaty palms off on his jeans. "Chief." He spoke before he looked around the table, before he thought of who he was really speaking to. He paused and his eyes roamed all the faces that were now staring at him, his eyes stopping when green met familiar brown. His eyes widened as he took in her small form. "Bella…..?"

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**AND THEY MET. Let me know what you think! I think since many of you are complaining about the length of the chapters, I'll post two a week. How about that?**


	8. Chapter 8

Bella's breath caught in her throat the moment she heard that beautiful voice, her eyes darted up to his, brown meeting the most beautiful emerald green. She remembered those eyes well, but seeing them in person was so much more painful than they were in her head. She dropped her head quickly, her eyes welling up, the pain in her chest more evident than it was when she spent the day with the rest of the Cullen's.

She couldn't think of a word to say, couldn't even find a greeting in her head. She was speechless. Her eyes made their way up the man in front of her. His body longer, more muscular than she ever remembered. He wore simple jeans and a white button up, the sleeves rolled to his elbows, he was breath taking.

Their eyes connected again. His heart pounded in his chest, his breaths shallow and painful. He barely recognized the woman before him. Her normally long, dark curls, were now short and pulled into a ponytail high on her head. Her full pink lips now chapped and formed into a frown. Her expressive, brown doe eyes, sad and had a look to them that he could only describe as broken. There was no way in hell that this was his Bella.

"Hi." She muttered, and the air hitched in his throat. Her voice was exactly the same. But this couldn't be her. This thin, frail, _thing_, before him couldn't be the one that broke him. She looked as if she couldn't break a pencil. He nodded his head, and before he could think about it, he walked off. Straight out of the restaurant and to his car.

"There's no fucking way." He whispered to himself as he drove, anywhere. He had no idea where he was going. He banged his fists on the steering wheel while stuck at a red light. "That wasn't Bella. There's no fucking way." His knee bounced up and down, his phone vibrating incessantly in his pants pocket. Not only did he refuse to believe that, that…woman was actually Bella, but he refused to believe that after four years, talking with someone who had a voice like hers, that just might be her, would anger him this much. "And Jacob fucking Black, of course!" he sped away once the light changed and pulled onto a dark, unmarked street. Something in his subconscious had brought him to this spot, and he was pissed that he had just figured it out. If he were to get out and walk the trail, take a detour or two, he'd end up in a beautiful meadow. His meadow, their meadow. He rolled his eyes, banging the steering wheel a couple more times. "There's just no fucking way!"

Bella's heart pounded. She felt like she was hyperventilating. She had seen him. Actually seen him. It wasn't pictures, it wasn't in her mind. He was there, standing right in front of her. She gripped the arm rests on her chair, knuckles turning white, wondering how she was supposed to walk down the aisle with him in almost a weeks time. She couldn't do it. Her eyes darted around the room, in search of where he had gone, where he had come from. Her frantic eyes met the familiar worried eyes that she knew were Carlisle's, he nodded toward her before getting out of his seat and walking toward her table. Up close, his eyes were more than worried, they were sad, they were dull, they held the secret, and when he got beside the table, she wondered why she ever put the pressure of the promise on him.

Carlisle acknowledged everyone at the table before turning to Bella, a small, forced, smile on his face. "Can I speak with you for a moment, Bella?" she nodded agreement and excused herself from the table, following Carlisle to an empty section of the restaurant. He sighed heavily, eyes downcast, he had no idea how to begin talking.

"I'm sorry." Her apology was quiet, her arms crossing protectively in front of her chest, as if she were trying to keep herself together. "I'm so sorry."

He could tell she was crying, the tremble in her voice made that clear. His eyes traveled from her feet to her face, the doctor in him checking for any sign of improvement, but there wasn't one. When Bella choose not to go further with treatment, he knew she was through with living, and not just in the literal sense. She stopped going out, stopped coming over, just stopped, and that itself was taking a toll on her.

"I should have never asked you not to tell, Carlisle, never." She leaned forward, throwing her arms around him, her sobs quieted by the fabric of his blue button up. If Carlisle had been speechless before, he had no idea what to call his state at this moment. "I know what I have to do." She pulled away, looking straight into his eyes. "I have to tell the truth."

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**I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY. I was in the process of moving and I just couldn't find the time to write, I'm moved in, summer classes are over, and I am ready to get this show on the road. I'll have another chapter up tonight, probably tomorrow as well, and then I will be back on track. Remember, review!**


	9. Chapter 9

Bella paced in front of her sofa, trying to determine what she was going to say. She had called Esme three days after the incident at the diner, and was very impatiently waiting for the woman to arrive at her home. Carlisle had held her at the restaurant, trying to convince her that she didn't have to tell anyone, but Bella had already seen how it had been wearing on him. She had already heard his small sigh of relief when she told him she was going to tell everyone, and now, in this moment, she wanted nothing more then to take it all back, keep her secret and hide forever, but she didn't have much time, she didn't have the heart, and she couldn't do that to a man she had once thought of as a second father. A knock sounded and she jumped, the loudness of it intensified because of her nervousness. She opened the door quick, fearing losing her dwindling courage if she took her time.

Esme smiled warmly at the girl across from her before being invited to the house and ushered toward the couch. "I bet you're wondering why I invited you." Bella was quiet, but Esme was still able to hear her. "And I don't really know how I'm going to say it." Bella was wringing her hands together, her eyes burning a hole in the floor. "Alice's wedding is in two days.."

Something in Esme's mind clicked, and she frowned, standing to put her hands on Bella's shoulders. "Are you afraid to walk with Edward, dear?" Bella's eyes snapped up, connecting with the warm, motherly ones in front of her. It's true that Bella was scared to death of Edward. Scared of what he'd think of her, of what he'd say to her, but that was the least of her worries at this moment.

"No, Esme, that's not it…" she trailed off, guiding them both back to the couch. "I want to tell you a little bit more about why Edward and I didn't stay together." The woman's eyes furrowed, confusion clearly written all over her features. "Esme," Bella took a deep breath, holding Esme's hands in her own. "I have leukemia."

Thoughts flew through Esme's mind. How long had Bella known this? How long had this been a secret? "Edward left you because you have cancer?" her eyes were wide, her heart beating roughly against her chest. How could her son, someone raised to be respectful, loving, and understanding, leave this girl when she really needed him the most. She was mad, more than mad. She wanted to smack him around a few good times when she returned home.

"Oh, God, no." Bella's words flew out of her mouth quickly, "Edward doesn't know. I don't want him to know." Tears were forming in her eyes, threatening to fall down her face, "I didn't want to hold him back from his dreams. I didn't want him to waste his time on someone who wouldn't be able to give him everything he deserved." Her hands shook, her breath ragged, "I left Edward because I'm not worth loving the way he loved me."

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**I want to give a big thank you hug to everyone who favorited, followed, reviewed, and liked my story! You guys make me want to write faster and faster! Another chapter to come in a couple hours, so dont yell at me for it being so short!**


	10. Chapter 10

It had been three hours since Esme left Bella's house. Three hours since she was let in on her little secret. To say she was furious was putting it lightly. She tapped her foot on the floor, standing directly in front of the door. Carlisle should be home any time now. Bella's words played over and over in her mind. _"I'm not worth loving the way he loved me."_ She couldn't believe Bella. She was worthy of love, sick or not. Esme had tried to tell Bella that over and over again, but the girl wouldn't budge. She was certain that there was a reason for her feeling this way..she couldn't have come to the conclusion all by herself.

The door opened, and in walked her husband, the exact man she was waiting for. "Why did you hide that from me, Carlisle!?" she screamed at him, tears rolling down her red cheeks. "Why didn't you tell me this was going on!" She stomped her foot, her arms crossing over her chest.

"I guess you spoke to Bella today." He was quiet as he set the grocery bags down beside her feet and looked past her.

"What is he hiding and why does it have to do with Bella?" Edward's voice was angry. And in all honesty, he had a right to be. But he couldn't handle knowing the truth yet. Esme didn't have the heart to tell him and Carlisle didn't see it as his place. Bella wanted to tell the truth, and when Edward was told, she would be the one to tell him.

His mother ran to him, engulfing her son in her small arms. Her tears wetting his t-shirt. His arms went around her hesitantly and his glare remained on his father. "Do I have to ask you again?"

Carlisle shut the door behind him and picked up the groceries, walking past them and into the kitchen. He looked completely devastated, but at the same time it looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

His mothers sniffles stopped, her hands cupping either side of Edward's face, forcing him to look at her. "I'm so sorry, Edward. We all are." And then she moved toward the stairs, and away from him.

He was left confused and he was left mad. If his family wouldn't tell him what was going on, he was going to make Bella. He frowned at the thought of her name, and became even madder at the thought of having to go see her. Or whoever she was now.

Edward pounded his fists on her front door, his rage barely contained. If she didn't answer the damn door, he'd break it down. He looked down at his watch, getting very impatient with her.

"Edw…" She couldn't even get his full name out of her mouth before he was pushing past her into the house.

"What did you tell my mother?" his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed down at her. She had never seen him this angry before, and she didn't know how to act.

"I..um.." she was searching for the words to say. She hadn't expected this. Esme knew that she wanted to tell Edward on her own, but now he knew something and she didn't know what.

"Isabella, what did you do with my father?" Her eyes snapped to his, his nostrils flaring, his anger radiating off of him.

"Excuse me? What exactly are you trying to say?" Her voice was raising, and she couldn't remember the last time she had yelled at anyone, and definitely couldn't remember the last time she yelled at him.

"Tell me the truth Bella. Now." His hands were wrapped tightly around her upper arms, and if he was paying attention, he'd know he was gripping her entirely too hard.

"I have cancer, you fucking idiot, I didn't sleep with your father!" she jerked herself away from him and pointed toward the door. "I think you should leave."

But he didn't hear any of it. Hadn't heard a word she had spoken since cancer. Bella had cancer. And all of a sudden, it all clicked in his mind. She was smaller, frailer, her hair was short, her eyes void of joy and life. She had cancer.


	11. Chapter 11

"How long?" he questioned, ignoring her request for him to leave, he walked to the couch and sat down. "How long have you known?" his head fell into his hands, he couldn't look up at her. "How long has my Dad known?"

She sighed heavily, rubbing the bruises forming on her arms. "I've always known, Edward. I found out before I even moved here." His heart clinched in his chest. "I knew I shouldn't have been with you. I knew it then, and I know it now. But I loved you, Edward. I loved you so much. I couldn't keep myself away anymore. When you asked me to marry you I…I couldn't do it. I couldn't let you throw your life away on me."

His eyes sought out hers, but when he looked toward her, she was pacing frantically in front of the couch. Her face red, tears drenching the front of her overly large shirt. "Are you joking Bella? Please tell me you're joking." He reached out for her, wanting her to sit beside him, but when she saw his hand, she jerked away.

"I'm not well, Edward, I'm not. When I found out it came back, I had no other option but to accept it and let you move on. You deserve to move on. There's nothing left that anyone can do. Nothing! That's why your father knows. I went to him last year. He tried to give me advice, he tried to tell me about other options, but I don't fucking want them! I'm tired! I don't want to spend the little amount of time I have left in a hospital hoping for some sort of miracle. I don't deserve something like that, especially not after what I did to you. I took all that time away from you. I was selfish and I wasn't worth the trou.."

Edward cut off her rant, pulling her into his arms, her face crushed into his hard chest. She could feel his heart beating against her cheek, feel warm tears drop into her hair. "Bella, just stop talking. Please, stop talking."

Her arms remained motionless at her sides, her head and her heart fighting a war deep within her. Could she give into the temptation and hug him back? Or should she continue pushing him away? If she were being honest with herself, she'd realize that the time away from him was more detrimental to her health than the cancer ever was. The depression and silence having her hope for death on many occasions. But here, wrapped up in his arms, she just wished for life. A long and happy life….but sometimes wishes just don't come true. "Edward, stop." Her arms attempted to push him away, but he's stronger than her, and her will to push him away was dwindling.

"No Bella. You stop. Stop pushing people away." His voice was quiet, sad, but she could hear the determination in there. "Stop pushing me away." He leaned back far enough that he could see her face. "Because I'm not letting you continue to go through this without me."

She closed her eyes to avoid looking at his own tear streaked face. "You deserve more than I can give you." She felt his hand slide over her closed eyelids and down her cheek, over her chapped lips, before resting on her jaw.

"No Bella. You deserve more than I can give you, but that doesn't mean I'm ever going to stop trying. Never again."

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**I promised the other day I'd post two, but I didn't...so today..you get THREE! Many of you were hoping Edward hadn't screwed everything up with being such an impulsive asshole, and thankfully...he made it out of this one. REVIEW!**


	12. Chapter 12

Edward had walked home a few hours after Bella's confession. Tears still streaking down his face. He wasn't angry with her, not really, but he was very angry with himself, and with his father. How had his dad kept this a secret for so long? How had he known that she was dy…no, she wasn't dying. She couldn't. His Bella was invincible. She'd pull through. She would because he'd be here to help her.

His past started flowing through his mind. Little things Bella had said over the years finally making sense. "_because I never know if this birthday could be my last"_, "_I wish I could be cured of all this."_ She'd laid out subtle hints over the years, but he hadn't caught on at all. He hadn't heard a word she was saying, because he was too blind. He walked into his house, slamming the door behind him. The urge to be strong started to fail. He ran into his parents in the kitchen, both with red faces. He couldn't even find the strength to yell at his dad. He just wanted a drink.

"Edward.." his mother made the move toward him first, but he avoided her touch, moving quickly toward the fridge where he pulled out a beer.

"I can't believe any of this." He sat at the table and took a long sip, evidence of his pain all over his face. His mother let out a shuttering sigh, standing behind him with her hands on his shoulders. "What are her chances, dad?" he didn't make eye contact with his father, but he knew he heard him.

"I'm not sure, son." Carlisle let out a deep breath before sitting across from his son. "I haven't met with her for a while. But she was adamant she didn't want to continue with treatment." He reached over and put his hand on top of Edward's, finally making direct eye contact. "She's young, so she has a better chance, but I'm just not sure."

They all heard the front door open and close and a dancing Alice entered the room, followed by her soon-to-be husband, Jasper.

"Whoa who died?" Alice joked, flopping down in the only empty chair at the table, Jasper coming up behind her.

"Alice…" her mother began, the look on her face telling her daughter to leave it alone.

But Alice, in pure Alice fashion, didn't catch on. "You're all sitting here like someone kicked your dog. Really! We should be excited! I'm getting married tomorrow!"

Edward scoffed and pushed away from the table. "I'll be back later." He swiped his keys off the table and was out the door before anyone could say another word.

Bella sat on the swing on her front porch, the breeze outside giving her bare arms goose bumps, but she barely noticed it. Her head was swarming with thoughts. She really wanted to let Edward in, to let him be there for her. She really wanted him to be there for her. Bella was unsure on how long she had left, but something in her was telling her to let him in, to enjoy the time he'd be there. But Bella had her own hang ups. She didn't want to waste his time. She didn't want to waste his love. She had grown up knowing she was unworthy, but when Edward pulled her into his arms earlier that day, she wanted nothing more but to forget everything her mother and Phil had told her, and just be with him…however, her life had happened, her health was never good, and she could never truly be with Edward.

"I didn't really expect you to still be awake." She was startled out of her thoughts by the voice of the same man she was thinking of. His eyes were puffy and red, his skin a shade paler than normal. She could tell that he had been crying, but she didn't really want to comment on it. It made her uncomfortable to know that he had shed tears over her. Over someone who wasn't worth that trouble.

"I don't really sleep much." Bella shrugged and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. "I feel like it wastes a lot of my time, and honestly, I don't have time left to waste."

Edward visibly stiffened at her comment, his eyebrows furrowing. He took a few steps closer to her, watching her face the entire time. "I really wish you'd stop thinking that."

His eyes bore into hers and for the first time in a long time, she didn't look away to avoid someone's gaze. "I can't be cured, Edward." She had come to the conclusion on her own, she had accepted it, and she expected him to accept it as well. It had been four years since he had seen her and she didn't expect for him to walk back in her life and care about her. "I'm tired, Edward, I'm sick. Chemo made me wish I was already dead. The medicine made me feel like I wasn't really there, Charlie, Jake….everyone I know, they aren't a match for me. I don't really have a chance." She let out a shaky breath and stood from her seat, shaking her head. "Stop wasting your time." She walked toward her door, head down, avoiding the pain she knows she had just caused him.

Edward reached for her, his warm hand wrapping around her wrist. "What about me?" his green eyes stared into hers, searching her for an answer. "You said no one was a match, what about me?"


	13. Chapter 13

"Edward, you can't be serious." Her skin tingled where his hand was, her mind reeling from the small touch. "I'm really not worth all that trouble."

"Bella, what about me?" he ignores her comment and takes another step toward her, she could swear she feels the heat from his skin radiating toward her own body.

"It's a painful procedure." She shook her head and took a single step back, effectively putting her back against the brick wall of the outside of her house. "You're a new doctor…you have a job.."

He could tell she was searching for an excuse to push him away again, searching for something that would make him pack up and go back to Chicago. He rolled his eyes, placing his hands on either side of her head, caging her in. "What about me?"

Her face was getting closer and closer to his, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. She wanted his lips against hers. Wanted to know if he tasted the same, moved the same. His eyes flashed down to her lips when he caught the movement of her tongue, and his chest tightened. He too wondered about her. Wanted to feel her against him. Wanted to hear the happy sounds she used to make. They were barely a breath apart. His nose lightly brushing her cheek as he moved in. Static sparks running between them.

"I don't think that's a good idea." She closed her eyes, her heart beating so hard she is sure he can hear it. "I don't think this is a good idea."

He ignores her, his eyes fluttering closed just before their lips met. And then he pushes forward, but his mouth is met with nothing but air. She had come to her senses when his beautiful emerald eyes were no longer staring into hers and ducked underneath his arms. His head fell and he let out a humorless laugh, his eyes still remaining closed. A small smile across his lips, but she could tell it wasn't because he was happy. It was obviously forced.

"Do you want to be alone Bella?" He didn't look to her as he spoke. Knowing that if he did, he wouldn't say what he wanted to. He would never get anything out of his mouth. "Do you want to die alone?" He felt the pang in his chest, felt his heart tighten up as soon as the words left his mouth. "Because you will if you keep pushing everyone away." He dropped his hands and turned back toward the street, leaving her there, tears running down her face, completely confused.

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**Next chappy, either today or tomorrow will be Alice's wedding! How will these two walk down the aisle now? **

**I know its short, but I wanted to give you guys something right now! Thank you so much for all the reviews and favorites, I love you guys!**


	14. Chapter 14

Bella stood in front of a full length mirror, staring at a reflection she barely recognized. Her short hair was curled around her, falling just above her shoulders, her makeup was so perfect that she was already regretting having to take it off later, the pink dress Alice had chosen for her hugged her tiny body perfectly, pushing up breasts that she forgot she had.

"You look beautiful." Esme smiled from behind her, placing a hand on Bella's exposed shoulder, and Bella caught her eyes in the reflection. They were as soft and loving as they had always been, but Bella knew she didn't deserve any of that.

"Thank you." Bella forced a smile back at her and stepped away from the mirror and toward the other bridesmaids. Rosalie glared at her from her seat on the plush sofa. Bella knew she was pissed about her being here, but the fact that Bella had been chosen over her was making it even worse. The tension in the room was suffocating.

"Bella!" Alice yelled from the bathroom, and Bella dropped her eyes from Rose when she noticed the way her nostrils flared. Yup, she really hated Bella's guts. "Come help me with my dress!"

Bella scurried away from Rose's line of sight and toward Alice. Thankful that the curls made it possible for her to hide behind her hair. A small smile came over her face at that. She had hid behind her long hair s lot over the years, hiding from Edward's stare in biology, hiding her blush when he'd say something nice. The memories were bitter sweet, the pain in her chest reminding her of just that.

"I cant zip this up!" Alice scurried around, obviously in a panic. Her mouth running a mile a minute and her arms reaching around to try and grip the zipper. Bella laughed and pulled the zipper up.

"Calm down. Everything will be perfect."

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Edward took a deep breath and held out an arm for Bella to hold on to. With a glance her way, he noticed how beautiful she was. She looked alive. She looked like Bella. They walked down the long aisle slowly, Bella's grip on his arm was tight. Her chest heaving with each step they took. He smiled at the people in the crowd, trying to ignore her. She was nervous. That much was obvious. No matter what state Bella was in, he knew she hated being stared at….and that's exactly what was going on right now.

Bella held tight to Edward, a light sheen of sweat covering her entire body. She felt nauseous. She felt faint. Her head was pounding. She knew her body, and she knew this feeling…unfortunately she knew it well. "Edward?" she whispered, tugging his sleeve slightly. His eyes connected with hers, confusion written between his furrowed brows. "Please don't let me fall." And then everything went black.

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**SORRY ITS LATE. My neighbor went to the hospital and I volunteered to watch her children so her husband could be with her! WHAT DO YALL THINK?**


	15. Chapter 15

Edward caught Bella right before she hit the ground, gasps echoing around the church. As a doctor, Edward should have known what to do in this moment, but as a man who just saw the only woman he has every cared about collapse, knowing her condition, he had no idea what to do. He pushed the hair away from her face and shook her body slightly, as if trying to wake her. "Bella! Bella, talk to me." He could hear his father pushing through the throng of people surrounding them, and his mother somewhere in the back ground screaming for someone to call an ambulance.

Carlisle knelt down beside his son, placing his fingers over Bella's carotid artery, checking for a pulse in her neck. It was faint, but it was definitely there. His eyes roamed the crowd for an signs of medical help, but as far as he could tell, he and Edward were the only two doctors in the house. "Edward, I'm going to need you to continue to monitor her pulse. I'm going to get the car." He pushed through the crowd and was out the door before Edward had a chance to register what his father was saying.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He mumbled, holding Bella's limp body close to his own. He could hear his sister now, screaming for people to move, but the crowd remained stilled, watching the almost lifeless girl before them.

"We need to get her to the hospital quick." This time it was Charlie in his ear. Her father's voice was calm, but Edward could tell by looking at the man that he was scared shitless. "Pick her up, Carlisle has the car outside." Charlie squeezed Edward's shoulder before placing a little kiss on his daughter's head. "I'll make sure we get there quick."

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The ride to the hospital was short, with Charlie in front of them, sirens blaring, everyone got out of the police chiefs way, but for Edward, the ride felt like it took hours. He hadn't taken his gaze off of Bella's face the entire time. His hand always holding hers. He was hoping for some type sign that she was there. Once in the hospital though, Edward was forced to let her go. The doctor, who had introduced himself as Emmett McCarty, pushed the gurney through a door and out of Edward's sight. He paced the floor for a while, tugging at his tie, his hair. He had Carlisle were alone in the waiting room for quite some time before anyone else arrived, first being his mother, then his sister and Jasper.

Alice ran through the hospital, wedding dress hiked up so she could go faster, tears and mascara rolling down her face. "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME!" she shouted once she burst through the doors. Jasper had his hands on her shoulders, trying to sooth her, but nothing worked. She had just found out that her best friend had cancer. And everyone knew but her. "Why didn't any of you tell me this was happening with her!" Her eyes cut to Edward quickly, her gaze so sharp he could swear he felt it cut through him. "And you! You just up and left her! Knowing this! I can't fucking believe you!" she stomped toward him, hand in the air, and he braced himself for the impact. Even though he didn't know anything about Bella's illness before he left, he still felt like he deserved his sisters hatred. He should have stayed. He should have seen through her. He should have known. But still, he hadn't known. She hadn't told him, and she wanted him to leave.

"I didn't know. I didn't know any of this was going on. I let myself hate her." the guilt washed over Edward in waves. Why did he let this happen? How could he have let this happen? His head fell back as the tears rolled down his face. Why didn't he just come home sooner? "I asked her to marry me." He blurted. His eyes still up toward the ceiling. "She said no. That's why I left."

Alice's hand dropped, has did all the chins in the room. The once loud, chaotic waiting room turned silent. "She spewed off something about not being good enough. About me deserving more. I took it and left. So yeah Alice, I shouldn't have left. I know that now. So if you want to hit me, go ahead. I couldn't possibly hurt more than I already do right now." Alice's eyes were spilling over again, as well as his mothers and fathers. He knew his father felt badly for keeping this from all of them. And he knew from the look on his face that he now felt even worse, but this wasn't Carlisle's fault. This wasn't Bella's fault. Edward was taking the blame because he's the one who left. He could have been the one to save her.

The waiting room doors opened once more, this time a broken looking Charlie and a sullen Dr. McCarty were the ones entering. Charlie shook his head, as if to tell them without words that something was very wrong. The doctor forced out a small smile and sat the family down. "There isn't very much I can do." He made eye contact with each of the people in the room and Edward knew from experience he was trying to make them feel more comfortable. "She's in a medically induced coma now. Her body is very tired." Edward's hands gripped the chair so tight he thought he'd break right through it. "Without any positive donor, her chances are very slim." Edward's head pounded. His body tensing at every word coming out of the doctor's mouth. He had lost Bella before, for four years, but somewhere deep inside of him he had always loved her. No matter what thoughts went through his mind, in his heart, buried deep, he had loved her. He still did love her. Here and now his heart was breaking all over again, but this time, he wasn't going down without a fight.

"Test me."


End file.
